at a pool party

vayena:

"hey bukowski no offense but why dont you take your shirt off in the pool"
"why do we run from the rain but soak in tubs full of water"
"aight take it easy man"

7 deadly sins. put one in my ask.
Lust: Something that I find attractive.
Pride: Something that I like about myself.
Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.
Envy: Something I wish I was better at.
Gluttony: One of my favorite foods.
Wrath: Something that gets me angry.
Greed: Something I can’t get enough of.

illumahottie:

Hey guys, hope your skin is clear and you get a text from someone you like real soon.

dicktho:

bf: come over
me: dont u have a period?
bf: we’re gay
me: oh yeah

thugmissus:

xemkgx:

do not fall in love with people like me.
i will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. i will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. and when i leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

image

rhydonmyhardon:

*dude puts his mouth around his bros dick* bro, im not actually gay unless i suck it. i never sucked it. its a metaphor, see: you put the dick right between your teeth, but you dont blow it. a metaphor bro

jaclcfrost:

do you know how nice it is when someone asks you questions about something you like and are interested in and you get to talk about the thing and they seem genuinely interested in what you have to say about the thing

it’s very nice

in court
judge: sir, where were you at 4:20pm last sunday
me: well you see sir i was just blazin some dank ass kush
my lawyer: same
me: same
judge: same
police: same
obama: same
gymleaderkarkat:


What are you so afraid of!?

I’m REALLY sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle

gymleaderkarkat:

What are you so afraid of!?

I’m REALLY sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle

ammits420friendlychillspot:

*raws u*

"its a metaphor" 

*peaces out the child’s life cuz its a metaphor*

Date a girl who reads but not someone who has strong opinions she must be educated but you must be smarter than she is, sleep with whomever you want but bring only the virgin home to mom, make sure she’s funny wild wacky but not too energetic not too loud, give her a dark side but only one that’s easily cured she’s got to love video games but you have to be better at them make sure she’s a writer make sure at least once you break a poet’s heart, it makes you immortal when she spills your history onto pages filled with her pain - be sure to call her insane to your friends, shake your head, wonder aloud what the fuck is wrong with her for loving someone, for loving you, drag her name through the mud just because she was stupid enough to believe everything you told her - make sure she has good fashion sense and tasteful makeup but isn’t obsessed with it just so you can show her off to your friends but at the same time be sure she’s still attractive in sweats measure her waist with your fingers to ensure she is skinny but only naturally so, don’t you know bones are for dogs but too many curves and she’s not good at all, feel free to make fun of her salads and yogurts and granola, disregard the idea that she’s doing this all for you and she wants to sit around and eat cake instead of impress you, make sure she has some kind of cause but never one that shouts too loud, a girl who likes art a girl who likes math a girl who likes anything just as long as it isn’t too much that’s just annoying, a girl who likes to cook and will take “get back in the kitchen” as a joke, who likes to clean but doesn’t mind your mess, who is calm but passionate but exercises good judgement but is willing to take a risk who wants kids but only when you suggest them who is practical but believes in magic who is gentle but fucks hard who is pious unless you are in private who bends her knees for god but also to suck your dick who responds to your every touch like she is made thoughtless by it but still has some kind of mysteriousness who is obedient but independent loving but hard to get caring but not clingy talented but willing to give up her passions for you - but no, don’t worry about who you are or how you act. She’ll change to please you. You don’t have to be a good husband, she will believe she has to be perfect no matter what happens. The only flaws she is allowed are tiny ones. Girls need to be capable, honest, needing. Who cares if a girl like this doesn’t exist. We’ll convince them all to read our requirements and make themselves fit.
Society’s recipe for the impossible girl my brother should marry (part 2/2 of a series) /// r.i.d  (via communistmanipesto)

silenthill:

*puts my bro’s dick in my hand*

see, its a metaphor. it’s only gay if i jack it

Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Cashier: Are you 18?
Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.